


A World Away

by renegadejaybird (vitious)



Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, Nightwing (Comic)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-08
Updated: 2013-01-16
Packaged: 2017-11-07 08:05:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 15,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/428783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vitious/pseuds/renegadejaybird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick needs to get out of Gotham for a bit and decides he wants to drag his oldest 'brother' along with him. **Indefinite Hiatus**</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Dick figured that after this little near miss, he should probably consider the fact that sneaking up on his adopted brother was a rather bad idea.  Thankfully the gun that the other man had held hadn’t been loaded, so all he did was  throw it at him but, well... It still stung.  He was in the process of rubbing his sternum and hissing a little in pain when the other man realized who he was and muttered something about Nightwing’s head being full of feathers.  
  
“It’s not my fault you’re jumpy.” Dick groused before grinning at the red mask that concealed the other man’s face.   
  
The sigh that came from behind the helmet was gusty. “I was in the middle of a fight and out of ammo, you deserved that.”  
  
“Why the hell would you throw your  gun at me anyways?”   
  
“Worked, didn’t it?”   
  
“I... Yes... But--Ugh, never mind.”  
  
“Maybe I should have hit you harder.  Get out of here, Goldie.”   
  
“You act as if I’d sneak up on you just for kicks.”   
  
“Well, you’re a  Dick like that.”  
  
Nightwing could feel his expression souring, could practically feel the smirk that was concealed behind the Red Hood’s helmet.  Jason always did like to raise people’s hackles whenever he spoke to them, stoking the embers of dislike that they’d all developed over the years.  After all, if they didn’t care for him then they wouldn’t try to get close before he wanted them to... Or, at least, that’s the only reason that Dick could conjure up for the other man being such an asshole ninety percent of the time.  
  
“ Actually ...” he began, grinning broadly again. “I’m going on a roadtrip and wanted company.”   
  
Jason froze in the middle of examining some of the men he’d knocked out; they seemed to simply be unconscious, something that Dick was grateful for.  He slowly turned his head to stare back at him, his helmet concealing his expression perfectly, something which frustrated the older of the two to no end.  Was there a look of disdain on his face?  A look of surprise?  Perhaps he was considering or perhaps silently mocking him for even trying.   
  
“Did the big B put you up to this?” Jason questioned, his tone derisive.   
  
Dick blinked before his brows furrowed. “...No, he didn’t.  Seriously, I can’t just want to... Try?”  
  
“Isn’t it a little late for that?” Red Hood countered, snorting as he zip-tied the unconscious men together.   
  
“Hey... I...” Nightwing sighed, watching the other man place an anonymous call from a prepaid phone and chucking it before turning to regard him.  “I want to try, Little Wing.”  
  
There was a long moment of silence before Jason sighed. “...A road trip of all things, seriously?  How cliche can you be?”  
  
Dick took the opportunity, brightening immediately. “Not just a road trip!  We’re going BASE jumping!  You know, rent an old car, travel across the country, BASE jump.  It’ll be great.”   
  
“Minus the part where I’m stuck with you for  way too long inside of a moving vehicle.  Seriously--”   
  
“Please?  C’mon!  You could use a week out of Gotham, anyways--”  
  
“A  week?! ”   
  
“--And it’s at Yosemite!  I mean, it’s seriously gorgeous there--”  
  
“You’re  seriously glossing over the fact that I’m going to be stuck with you for a  week. ”  
  
“Would that really be all that terrible, Little Wing?”  
  
There was a long moment of silence between them, causing Dick to shift nervously, his hands flexing at his sides as he waited.  Jason wasn’t moving, but there was a tension between them that Nightwing couldn’t quite pinpoint the cause of and it was making him edgy.  He wasn’t certain if he was about to be hugged or punched, something that really should have surprised him more than it did; The Red Hood was unpredictable at best.  
  
“...Fine.  Now give me my gun.” Jason muttered, holding his hand out for his weapon.   
  
Dick was too busy grinning from ear to ear to think twice about handing over the firearm.


	2. Chapter 2

It hadn’t occurred to Dick that he hadn’t really seen Jason without his mask on since before he...  Came back.  Due to this, it took him a moment to recognize the man that the former Robin had become, and another to appreciate it fully. Once Jason had been awkwardly proportioned, almost ungraceful in the way he moved at times, but still managed to fly and fight as well as any of the other members of the family.  In a few years he’d grown taller, filled out, become proportional and, well, had become a rather handsome young man.  It was difficult to remember that he was barely nineteen; he’d grown up too fast.   
  
They had agreed to meet in the parking lot of a diner that they had frequented when they were younger, when things were brighter.  They had also agreed to leave in the middle of the night, giving them each enough time to do a quick patrol, shower, change, and meet.  Well, in Jason’s case, it looked like the actual changing part hadn’t happened.  Then again his outfit was mostly civilian clothes anyways, so he supposed it wasn’t quite the same, but did he really have to bring the jacket?   
  
Wordlessly the other vigilante opened the door, carelessly tossing his duffel into the backseat, and threw himself into the passenger’s seat without so much as looking at Dick.  An awkward silence stretched between them, one which was filled with a lot of the older man staring at the man next to him expectantly, eyebrows inching closer and closer to his hairline.  Finally Dick rolled his eyes and started the engine, shaking his head and turning on the headlights as he began to pull out of the parking lot.    
  
“Not even a hello, huh?” he questioned, feeling mildly put off; he wasn’t expecting their relationship to fix itself overnight, but was a greeting too much to ask for? “And why’d you bring your jacket?”    
  
“‘s not my ‘work’ jacket.” Jason glanced his way, lifting his hands to add air quotes. “Besides, you’re the one that wanted  my company.”   
  
“And I’m sure you’re going to going to do your damndest to make me regret that decision.”    
  
“Yup.”    
  
“Well, I hope you’re prepared to be thoroughly disappointed.”    
  
“With you?  Always.”   
  
Dick crossed his eyes in amused irritation before he glanced over at Jason and grinned, the exchange causing his shoulders to relax a little.  While the other man was gruff, his tone low and seemingly nonchalant, there were still traces of that wonderfully exuberant boy they’d all grown fond of.  He knew that it was far too early to get his hopes up when it came to Jason but he was ever the optimist, always hoping that one day the other man would come back, would fight by their sides again.    
  
“You should prolly pay attention to the road, Dickie-bird.” Jason muttered, shifting in his seat to dig in his jacket.    
  
“I am paying attention to the road.” Dick responded, watching the other man’s hand out of the corner of his eye.    
  
“You’re a terrible liar.  Weird considering how often you have to lie and all that.”    
  
“I only lie when I have to, you know.”   
  
“Why’re you defending yourself to  me of all people?  Did I strike a nerve?”   
  
Dick’s brows knit together and he glanced over at the younger man, looking him over as discreetly as he could manage.  Jason had drawn a crumpled pack of cigarettes out of his jacket, the label one that the older of the two didn’t recognize immediately; imported, interesting.  However the other vigilante didn’t pull out a lighter, simply placing the filter of one of the cigarettes between his lips and rocking it gently back and forth between them, staring out at the buildings and lights as they drove past them.  After a few moments of his attention flicking between the younger man and the road he frowned thoughtfully; Jason normally kept his words and body language guarded, but the nervous slip, letting him know that he wasn’t indifferent to this trip, was nice.    
  
“You know, while I don’t approve, you can smoke...  If you need to.” Dick offered after another long moment of silence.    
  
“I would have even if told me not to, Dickie-Bird.” Jason muttered, fingers flexing a little where they rested in his lap.    
  
“Right.”   
  


\----------

  
Jason gave into the urge to smoke about thirty minutes outside of Gotham, the silence between them remaining tense even as the younger man visibly began to relax a little.  He was pressed against the door of the car, leaning he’d said, as if he wanted nothing more than to open it and dive out, risks to his person be damned.  It was obvious that he wanted to be anywhere but in a car with Dick Grayson, so the older man couldn’t help but wonder  why .  Why had he agreed to come when he was obviously uncomfortable with the idea?  Why had he shown up at the meeting point?  Why hadn’t he bailed out of the car when they were at a stoplight in the seedier parts of Gotham?   
  
After his revival Jason had been... Unstable to say the least, his actions never failing to take them all by surprise.  However he’d never, up until that point, willingly put himself in a situation he didn’t want to be in for any reason.  If they had wanted to talk to him, they had had to find him, had to track him down and practically corner him to get a few words out of him after he’d first revealed himself.  He’d made it very clear that he wanted nothing to do with Bruce or Dick ever again, and Tim was out of the question.  Thus the fact that Jason was actually was here despite his obvious discomfort was telling to say the least; Jason  wanted to try, despite what he said.   
  
“Didn’t take you for someone that would smoke fancy cigarettes.” Dick finally offered, noting that Jason’s eyes flicked to him and narrowed a little, his gaze more intrigued than annoyed.    
  
“Acquired a taste for Davidoff during my little field trip.” Jay muttered after a moment, still eyeing him warily.  “What, no lecture?”   
  
“Waste of breath.”   
  
“Damn right.”   
  
Dick couldn’t keep the smile off his face even if he’d wanted to, eyes hooding a little as they fell into silence once again.  He wondered if that was really what had had the other man so tense, the worry that all Dick would do was lecture him the entire trip.  Yes, there was a sizeable list of things that he could rip into the other man about, his use of lethal force being at the top, but he knew lectures weren’t the way to get through.  If they ever wanted Jason to come around it had to be on his terms, had to be after they had regained some of his trust.   
  
“You hungry?” Dick questioned, glancing at the younger man out of the corner of his eye and arching a brow at him.    
  
“...Yeah.” Jason answered, still looking at him like he was just waiting for him to do something he wouldn’t like.    
  
“Good, cus I’m starving.”   
  
“That’s cus you eat like shit.”    
  
“Have you been  spying on me?”    
  
“Only as much as I’m sure you’ve been trying, and failing, to spy on me.”    
  
Dick placed a hand over his chest, feigning hurt. “You wound me.”   
  
“Your tracers are so obvious that a half retarded monkey could find them.”    
  
“And how do you know they’re mine, huh?”    
  
“Cus you’re the only one stupid enough to try.”   
  
Despite the nonchalance in the words, how carelessly Jason tossed them out there, Dick felt his smile slip a little. Had the other man been  waiting for one of them to try?  After all, he was older, almost an adult, but he’d lost precious years of his childhood, leaving the boy who he’d been in the coffin he’d crawled out of.  Perhaps a part of the boy that had been Jason still lingered, still craved the approval and what scraps of affection that he could acquire.  Then again, Dick also supposed that he could thinking way too hard about everything that came out of Jay’s mouth.    
  
“Oy, Dick-head.” Jason snapped his fingers, arching a brow when he got the older man’s attention. “Done being introspective?  You’ve gotten broodier than fucking Bats, jesus.”   
  
“Is that even  possible ?” Dick questioned, incredulous, his eyes slightly wide in an expression of mock horror.    
  
His answer is a startled laugh from the other side of the car, one that causes him to take his eyes off the empty road for a moment to watch the way Jason’s eyes light up, the way his laughter makes him look so much younger.  It’s a good sight, one which makes him smile brightly even as he looks back towards the road.  Jason is still chuckling a little, shifting to plant his feet up on the dash and relax back into his seat, staring back out the passenger window once again.  Dick can’t bring himself to complain about dirt or scuffs on the dash when the other man finally seems a little more at ease than he was before.   
  
“So, burgers then?” Dick offered once Jay had settled.    
  
“If you’re buying.” Jason answered immediately, smirking.    
  
Dick let out a heavy, exasperated, overly dramatic sigh. “Oh, I suppose.”   
  
“You’re the one that drug me on this trip.  Don’t bitch.”    
  
“I’m not...  Cus, honestly, I expected to be making the trip alone.”    
  
“I’m just full of surprises.”    
  
Dick smiles as he takes the next exit, expression softening a little. “Yeah...”   
  


\----------

  
They ate their food in companionable silence, stopped in a dark parking lot as the sun started to peek over the horizon, before pulling back out onto the highway.  Most travelers would most likely just be waking up and heading out onto the road, but they were nocturnal creatures, so leaving in the middle of the night hadn’t been a problem and, well, it avoided any form of traffic.  They’d been making good time, despite stopping to eat, and were already halfway through Pennsylvania when Jason started to fade, eyes fluttering a little before he forced them open and shifted a little in his seat, looking determined to stay awake.    
  
“You know, if you’re tired, you can sleep.” Dick suggested, glancing at the other man out of the corner of his eye.    
  
“I’m not tired.” Jason muttered, eyes immediately narrowing.    
  
“I’m just saying.  If you get tired, you can sleep.  I’m used to running on only a couple hours.”   
  
Jay gave a derisive snort and turned his gaze back out to seeming endless stretch of trees on either side of Interstate 76, the rest of the road abandoned for the most part.  Everything was quiet that morning, even the radio which Dick had kept low for the majority of their trip so far.  Loud music had its place but it just seemed wrong so early in the morning.  Never mind that most stations were mostly just talk shows in the early morning hours and, well, Dick really didn’t want to pass out from boredom at the wheel.   
  
“So, why the sudden interest in the resident family zombie?” Jason asked after almost an hour of silence, startling Dick a little; the younger man hadn’t initiated conversation once since the beginning of their trip.    
  
“I wanted to get out of town.  I figured you might want to tag along...  After everything.” Dick answered immediately; this was a question he’d been waiting and preparing for.   
  
“What, think I’m still all distraught over dear old ‘Dad’?” Jay scoffed, shaking his head, still staring out the window. “World revolves around the Bat and all that shit.  Look, Dickie, I don’t need a shrink.  Stop trying.”   
  
Now this is a conversation Dick was hoping they wouldn’t have for a few days.  “Jay, look...”   
  
“Don’t make excuses for him and don’t spout his bullshit moral code at me, Grayson.  Just accept that I do the things he doesn’t have the balls to and move on.”   
  
Dick let out a gusting sigh, eyes hooding as he stared out at the road and fell into silence.  It was too early in the morning to argue and he was too wary of losing what little ground he’d gained in the past few hours to continue the conversation.  They lapsed into uncomfortable silence yet again and Dick briefly wondered if he’d ever make any progress in the emotional minefield that was Jason Todd.  He gave a quick shake of his head and started searching for places to stop and get coffee or breakfast or something, anything to get him out of the car for a few hours and distract him from his passenger.    
  
“You don’t have to clean up his messes, you know.”    
  
Dick glanced over at Jason when he spoke up, noting that those piercing blue-green eyes were boring into him, watching him intently for a reaction.  Dick’s brows furrowed as he glanced back to the road, wondering why the other man was pushing this issue before it suddenly clicked.  His eyes widened and he glanced back at Jason, looking torn between incredulous and offended.   
  
“Bruce  didn’t put me up to this.” he snapped, lifting a hand to rub the bridge of his nose.  “As you said, not everything revolves around him.”   
  
“Your world does.  Whatever Daddy says goes with you, Dickie.”    
  
“I decided to invite you, Jay.  This has nothing to do with him.”   
  
“Bullshit.”   
  
“Seriously, Jason, is it that hard for you to believe that some of us actually  give a shit?”    
  
Dick glanced over, watching as the other man’s jaw clenched and he turned his attention back to the scenery outside, his entire form radiating tension.  He wanted nothing more than to say something further, to break the awkward silence and babble about the good old days full of scaly underwear and terrible puns.  Things were better back then, more innocent, before the joker beat it out of all of them and changed everything.  However he knew that talking about the other man’s days as Robin would be a poor decision, even if Jason was in a good mood; he liked to act as if it didn’t bother him, but Dick knew that Jason still harbored a lot of bitterness when it came to his past and everyone in it.   
  
There was the creak of leather and the soft rustling of fabric as Jason dug in his jacket, pulling out that same worn box of cigarettes and turning it over in his hands.  Dick watched as one of the rolls of tobacco slipped between the other man’s lips, dangling between them as his gaze grew distant and he stared out at the terrain they passed.  Somewhere in his travels Jason must have come to associate cigarettes with comfort, something which made Dick sigh softly and lean back in his seat, staring out at the road, giving his passenger the mental and emotional distance he needed.   
  
At least twenty minutes passed before the metallic flick of a zippo lid disturbed the silence, followed by the scratch of metal against flint, a deep inhale, and a slow exhale that signaled that Jason had finally lit his cigarette.  Dick relaxed a little at that sound, despite the fact that he hated the smell of the expensive tobacco.  Perhaps after a decent dose of nicotine Jason would feel up to talking again, which was good because Dick would go crazy if he had to sit in silence for much longer.   
  
“Did you mean it?”    
  
Dick nearly jumped out of his skin when the other man finally spoke, all the tension between them making him edgy. “What?”    
  
“What you said, Dumbass.” Jason narrowed his eyes, the look on his face saying that he would gut the older man if he made him repeat the words.    
  
“Oh, about giving a shit?” Dick smirked when the other man’s eyes crossed and his lips parted to retort. “Yes, I meant it.”   
  
Jason’s mouth snapped shut with an audible click, his eyes narrow and suspicious before he snorted, glancing out the window again.  Dick rolled his eyes before smiling a little to himself and shaking his head, thinking that parts of the other man still lingered from before he died and came back.  His petulance certainly seemed to be alive, albeit a little tamer than it had been in his years as Robin.  Part of Dick liked to think that it was showing because the other man was getting more comfortable around him, the same part of him that still thought world peace was possible, but perhaps it was simply that he threw Jason off balance.    
  
“Diner.” Jason’s voice cut into his thoughts causing him to blink, brows furrowing as he glanced at his passenger.    
  
“Excuse me?” Dick questioned, looking amused.    
  
“You know?  Place where you eat?  There’s a sign for one.”    
  
“Is that a hint?”    
  
“Only if hints are as subtle as my fist hitting your face.”   
  
“How  do you manage to keep the women away, Jaybird?  Your charm is virtually  irresistible. ”   
  
“The same way you do.”    
  
“That’s a laugh.  I don’t--”    
  
Dick paused in the middle of speaking, blinking before shooting a dirty look at Jason, trying, and failing, to keep his mirth off his features.  For once in the entirety of their trip there was a warmth that passed between them that hadn’t been there before, something subtle that made him grin widely.  Reaching over he playfully shoved the other man, laughing when Jason simply smirked and went back to his cigarette.  However the silence didn’t last long before he spoke up again.   
  
“Diner.”    
  
“I’m going, I’m going!” 


	3. Chapter 3

“Aww, look, they made you a smiley face out of chocolate chips.” Dick crooned, grinning at the murderous look the other man shot him.    
  
“It’s way too early for this shit.” Jason muttered, stabbing his stack of pancakes with his fork before shoving a chunk of them into his mouth, speaking even as he chewed. “You’re just jealous that mine look better than yours.”   
  
“Blueberries always look amazing.”    
  
“Someone has an unhealthy obsession with blue things.”    
  
“Me?  Never.”   
  
Jason scoffed and shoved another massive chunk of the pancakes into his mouth; they weren’t gourmet but they were definitely amazing after how long he’d gone without any.  Despite that he kept sneaking looks across the table at the other man, watching the way his face practically glowed with vitality and warmth after only a couple of pancakes and a few cups of coffee.  Then again Dick had always seemed to be full of light, full of optimism, something that Jason had never really acquired during his days as Robin.  That probably explained a lot about his post-revival rampage... Not that he really regretted it but he did miss the days in which he had some semblance of a family sometimes.   
  
“You’re staring.” Dick’s voice cut into his thoughts, making him arch a brow before snorting derisively.    
  
“You wish, Big Bird.” Jason muttered, eyes falling back to his plate as he continued to shovel food into his mouth.    
  
A long, awkward moment of silence stretched, one that caused the younger man to frown and slowly look up from his pancakes.  Dick looked like he was trying to stare straight through him... Or maybe into him if he thought about it.  What did he hope to see in Jason’s blue-green eyes anyways?  Affection?  Warmth?  An hint that he was ‘coming around’?  Rolling his eyes he looked back to his pancakes and ignored it, mood effectively ruined for the morning.    
  
When would they stop trying to get inside his brain, pick it apart, and remake him into what they wanted him to be?  Bruce and Dick both seemed to not understand why he didn’t want to come back into the fold and, honestly, that was part of  why he didn’t go back.  It wasn’t just different ideologies or revenge, it was because every time he was around the older men they tried to change him.  He wasn’t the boy that they had buried four years before, he’d changed, and he felt that after two years after his reappearance that maybe, just maybe, they should accept that.    
  
“You know...  Jay--” Dick began, fingers drumming restlessly on the table.    
  
“You’re seriously going to try and have a serious discussion when I’m in the middle of eating?” Jason cut him off, glancing up and arching a brow.    
  
“Good way to get you to listen.  Having your mouth full I mean.”    
  
Jason’s eyebrows shot up, pausing for a long moment to stare at Dick, incredulous; did he really just...? “Never thought you had it in you, Dickie.”    
Dick looked confused for a moment, obviously oblivious, before his eyes widened and a faint flush painted itself across his cheeks. “I... That’s not...  I didn’t mean it like that!  Oh, yeah, laugh it up, Jay.”   
  
It had been a long time since he’d laughed so hard and, really, scandalized Dick shouldn’t have been as funny as it was.  However he found himself enjoying the way the other man was turning redder and redder as his peels of laughter continued, uncertain as to whether it was anger or embarrassment, maybe a mixture of both, that was doing it.  Finally his laughter, which had earned him various filthy looks from the other diner customers, faded into soft chuckles, his eyes hooded and full of mirth as he arched a brow at the man across from him.    
  
“What?  You saying that you haven’t thought about it?” Jason finally added, adding a slight purr to his voice.    
  
“Jay!” Dick’s blush had reached critical mass now and the younger man was starting to slowly lean towards it being more anger than embarrassment; whoops. “You’re such an asshole sometimes.”   
  
“All the time, you mean.”    
  
“I’m starting to believe that”    
  
Yes, it really did seem that he’d pushed just the right buttons to burn away what little warmth the other man had held for him.  Part of him wanted to say ‘Finally’ but the other, younger part of him, mourned the loss of the other man’s smile, something which made him scowl and stab at his breakfast.  They finished their meals in tense silence, the humor from earlier seeming to have evaporated from him, leaving only bitterness and anger behind.  That was fine by him; he was intimate with both of those, could handle them without a problem.  All those other awkward emotions he’d been fumbling with though, those he couldn’t handle.   
  
“You know, if you really don’t want to be here, we can go back.  I’m not going to strongarm you into this.” Dick finally muttered, staring down at his empty plate as if it held all the answers.    
  
“You know, I’m starting to wonder if  you actually want me to be here or if this is some stupid pity trip to make yourself feel better.” Jason ground out, shoving his plate aside, his eyes narrow, angry, his posture tense and ready for a fight.  “I’m tired of you and Bruce trying to ‘fix me’ cus of your fucking guilty consciences.”    
  
“That’s not--!” Dick cried before gritting his teeth and lowering his voice. “That isn’t why I’m doing this, Jason.”   
  
“So why are you doing this, Dickie?  Don’t give me that family bullshit because I haven’t been family since I died and came back.”    
  
“That’s not true--”    
  
“It  is true.” Jason snarled, watching the way Dick’s blue eyes widened in shock before his face crumpled a little; for an instant he hated himself for shattering the other man’s hope that the younger man would ever return to the nest. “Sooner you accept that the better.”   
  
“Jay, I’m not just going to give up on yo--”   
  
“You need to accept that this is who I am.  Don’t like it?  Then leave me the fuck alone and go back to kissing Bruce’s ass.”   
  
When Jason stood to leave, Dick let him, which was good because the younger man really needed some time to cool his head.  He shrugged back into his leather jacket and left the diner, ignoring the heat from the morning sun and drawing a cigarette out of the old beaten up pack he carried.  Placing the cancerous stick between his lips he lit it with practiced movements, snapping his zippo shut and tucking everything away again, taking a long drag.   
  
Looking back on their conversation he called himself every kind of fool for letting it escalate like it did, for letting his annoyance show over something so tiny.  Dick still thought of him as family, something that should have relieved him but, in reality, made his gut twist unpleasantly.  Obviously the Lazarus Pit had scrambled his brain in more than one way, something which made his eyes narrow and his free hand flex at his side, fingers curling and uncurling.  There was no denying that he was not one hundred percent stable, but he didn’t feel like he was  that crazy... At least not ninety percent of the time.   
  
Heaving a sigh he approached their car, leaning against the back of it as he smoked, staring down at his crossed ankles, fingers absently drumming on the fiberglass that made up most new cars.  He weighed his options, imagining the tension in the rest of their trip and weighing it against just admitting defeat and going back to Gotham.  Why  had he decided to come anyways?  It must have been a momentary lapse of sanity or intelligence, maybe both, and he was certainly kicking himself for it now.  Now Dick had ammunition against him, could show how far gone and unstable he still obviously was, not that it would make much difference to Bruce at all.   
  
Reaching up he raked his fingers through his hair, the white tuft flipping up and then back into his face like it always did.  Secretly he’d grown fond of that little patch of white, enjoying the constant reminder that it served as for everyone around him.  However today he scowled up at it, attempting to blow it out of his face a couple times before going back to his cigarette with a soft growl of annoyance, pointedly ignoring the crunch of footsteps over gravel.   
  
“You’re right.” Dick’s voice almost made him look up from staring intently at the laces of his boots, almost. “I guess I was just still hanging onto who you used to be.”    
  
“Time to head back then?” Jason questioned immediately, still not looking up, rocking the cigarette that was smoking between his lips back and forth.    
  
“...Is that what you want?”    
  
Jason  did look up then, eyes locking with the older man’s, gut twisting a little at the hopeless defeat he saw there.  Dick just looked so crushed by the fact that the younger man wanted to leave, so broken by failing at a simple roadtrip.  However Jason couldn’t help but ask himself why that bothered him at all.  Why did he care that the other man was unhappy or upset?  Hell, why did he care enough to even be coaxed into going on this trip in the first place?  Also  why  was he considering staying, just to wipe that look off Dick’s face, at least for a while.    
  
“...No.” Jason finally answered, looking back down at his feet, taking another long drag on his cigarette.    
  
“... What? ” Dick’s face was baffled when he looked up again, shocked, staring at him in open disbelief.    
“What?  You can’t get rid of me that easily.”   
  
“But... I...  What you said...”   
  
“I don’t see how Gotham is better than free food or thrill seeking.” Jason interjected, glancing aside and finishing his cigarette, flicking it away to smolder on the pavement.    
  
“Jay...” Dick began and the younger man glanced up at him, lifting a hand, palm out.    
  
“...No hugs.”    
  
“Oh, come on--”   
  
“Nope.  Get in the car.”   
  
Dick’s smile was nearly blinding in its brightness, something which almost made him smile in return.  Instead he rolled his eyes and shoved away from the car, circling to the passenger’s side and shaking his head, feigning annoyance.  No, the air hadn’t been cleared, but it felt a little less stifling once they were in the car, a little more comfortable, and with a full belly Jason settled into his seat, leaning against the door, content for the time being.    
  


\----------

  
Dick was beginning to show signs of fatigue early in the afternoon, his eyes fluttering a little, followed by a scrunching of his brows and a purposeful widening of his eyes, as if he was forcing them open.  Jason arched a brow at the action, staring at the older man until he noticed and shot him a questioning look.  Heaving a sigh, the younger man straightened in his seat and removed his jacket finally; they were getting into warmer parts of the nation.    
  
“We can stop, you know.” Jason muttered, shoving his jacket into the space between their seats for easy access. “I don’t wanna die cus you passed out at the wheel and wrapped us around a tree or some shit.”   
  
“As if I’d let that happen!” Dick laughed, shooting the other man a playful look.    
  
Jason gave him a flat look in return. “Right.  My survival instincts are telling me that we’re getting a motel tonight.    
  
“Oh come on...”   
  
“It’s more comfortable than these damn seats anyways.”    
  
“And the truth comes out.”   
  
“Don’t act like you object to sleeping in a bed, Princess.”   
  
Jason smirked when the other man spluttered a little and shot him a dirty look that was partially ruined by the small grin tugging at his lips.  Finally Dick rolled his eyes and offered a drawn out ‘fine’ that had the younger of the two folding his arms behind his head and looking pleased with himself.  However he also noticed how Dick’s eyes widened a little at the motion, barely resisting the urge to arch his back a little just to scramble the other man’s brain a little more.  A large amount of his clothing was old and tight, faded band tees that he had left over from his globetrotting adventures, but he was grateful for that now.  Perhaps Dick had been embarrassed by his diner comment for a reason that he hadn’t even considered.    
  
Pushing such thoughts aside he closed his eyes, enjoying the feel of Ohio sun for a long moment before cracking his eye open to glance over at the other man. “...Also, your music taste is shit.”   
  
“Dammit, Jason, is there anything that you  do like about this trip?” Dick muttered, exasperated, but not annoyed, not yet.    
  
“Obviously.” Jason countered, keeping his eye trained on the other man and smirking.    
  
“Oh, really?  Cus I haven’t found it yet.  Do enlighten me.”    
  
Chuckling the younger man closed his eyes and shook his head, feeling oddly content all of a sudden. “...Nah.  I’ll tell you later.”    
  
“You know, usually I don’t kill, but I might make an exception for you.”    
  
“You say the sweetest things, Dickie-bird.”


	4. Chapter 4

“Sorry, boys, the only room we have open is a one bed.”  
  
Jason and Dick exchanged a look before the younger of the two shrugged. “Whatever.  We’ll take it.”   
  
Dick shot him a surprised look before his brows furrowed, looking curious as the other man paid for the room and took the key.  Jason jingled said key in his face before walking back towards their car, seemingly unphased by the fact that they would be  sharing a bed .  Perhaps it wasn’t a big deal to the younger man, maybe he had misjudged certain comments and looks, or perhaps he was simply being too hopeful and was projecting what  he wanted on his temporary companion.    
  
As he slid into the car to pull it up to their room for the night, he thought that his stomach probably shouldn’t have dropped when he thought of Jason’s time with him as temporary. “Well, aren’t you being accommodating today.”  
  
“I’ve shared beds with far worse things than you, Dickie-bird.” Jason answered, reaching into the back of the car to retrieve his duffel.   
  
Now  those words earned the look of shock he shot the younger man. “You...   What?! ”   
  
“Don’t give me that look.  Homelessness makes any bed look good.  What’s your problem?”   
  
“I... Did you...?”   
  
“Ugh.  We’re not having this conversation.”   
  
With that, Jason stepped out of the car and slammed the door behind him, moving to unlock the motel room.  Stunned, Dick watched him enter the room, his hands flexing on the steering wheel before he retrieved his own bag and followed the other man into the room.  When he entered, the bathroom door was already closed, causing his shoulders to slump as he shut and locked the door to their room, gently setting his bag on the rickety dresser which also supported the ancient-looking television.  Heaving a sigh he raked his fingers through his hair and sunk down on the sagging mattress of the bed, grimacing a little and trying to keep himself from thinking too much.   
  
It really wasn’t any of his business how Jason had survived in the years after he’d come back to life.  Jason had lived on the streets for a long time, had a knack for being able to survive on little to nothing, thus he probably just knew a way to secure a place for the evening.  It had been  his mind that had immediately jumped to the conclusion that the other man’s methods had been...  Dick quickly shook his head and rubbed the bridge of his nose, flopping back on the bed and closing his eyes, feeling mentally and physically exhausted suddenly; the more time he spent with Jason, the more he wondered if Jason was actually the one that needed fixing.   
  
When the bathroom door finally swung open, Dick lifted his head, lips parted to say something, only to stop, his eyes slightly wide as he took in the low slung, black, luxurious looking pajama pants that hung from the other man’s hips.  His eyes then quickly bypassed Jason’s bare torso, snapping up to lock gazes with the other man, eyes narrowing a little, immediately feeling defensive when he noticed the amusement in those blue-green eyes.  However he was surprised when Jason simply walked right past him, heading over to the other side of the small bed, his hand snapping out to smack the top of Dick’s head.   
  
“Move, Dick.  I’m going to sleep.” Jason took advantage of Dick sitting up due to the none-too-gentle smack to sprawl on his side of the bed, arms folding behind his head.  
  
“Could have asked  nicely .” Dick muttered, rubbing the back of his head as he shot a mildly put-off look at the other man.  
  
“Yeah.  Could have.  Didn’t.”   
  
“Asshole.”   
  
“You know it, Dickie-bird.”  
  
Dick chanced another glance back at the younger man, eyes still narrow, but a discolored patch of skin caught his eye, distracting him temporarily.  Frowning he hesitantly reached out and gently brushed his fingers over the large scar, snatching his hand back when Jason jolted and slapped his hand over the mark, his eyes wide and wild.  Swallowing thickly the older man leaned away slightly, surprised by the other man’s vehement reaction to the gentle touch before looking away.   
  
“...Sorry.” Dick breathed, eyes fixed on the floor.  
  
Jason didn’t say anything for a long moment before he let out a long sigh.  “Just burn scars.  Don’t matter.”   
  
When Dick heard the bed creak and rustling of fabric he hesitantly glanced back at the younger man, swallowing thickly but relaxing when he realized Jason had just rolled onto his side.  His eyes traced over the various scars that littered his back, his eyes hooding a little when he recognized burns and old, ragged lacerations.  He was certain that there was even more scar tissue hiding beneath the younger man’s thick, black hair, though he doubted Jason would ever let him check.   
  
“They’re from...  The joker... Aren’t they?” Dick questioned softly, his words hesitant.   
  
“Wow, you really know how to brighten up someone’s evening, Dick.” Jason responded, his voice tense, brimming with anger and edged with pain.   
  
“Sorry... I... We don’t have to talk about it.”  he murmured, raking his fingers through his hair.   
  
There were a few moments of tense silence before Jason let out a gusting sigh. “Yeah, these are my happy little reminders of the clown.  Happy?”   
  
“Not really.”   
  
“Well that’s nice.  We can be miserable together.”   
  
“...You know, if you want to talk--”   
  
“I don’t.”   
  
Dick bowed his head, hands fisting on the comforter as he mentally kicked himself.  He hadn’t want to bring up the past during their trip, he really hadn’t, but it seemed that he always managed to say the worst things at the worst possible moments.  Hesitantly he turned, staring at the stiff back of the man behind  him, eyes hooding a little at the sight before he reached out and moved to slowly curl his fingers around Jason’s shoulder.  For a moment the younger man went completely tense before he relaxed a fraction when Dick didn’t do anything further.  It was only after that that the older of the two felt that he could speak.   
  
“I... I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said anything.  But... I... If it means anything...  I’m starting to like who you are... Now I mean... Aside from... Y’know... The killing and stuff.” Dick paused, letting out a soft, self directed laugh.  “I should stop talking.”   
  
Jason didn’t respond verbally, instead moving to put his hand over Dick’s, holding it in place when the other man moved to pull away.  His heart ached at the sight, knowing that the other man never reached out to anyone, never asked for anything from any of them except to just be left alone.  Dick had to wonder how much of that was that he just couldn’t allow himself to leave himself that open, leave himself vulnerable to being rejected by the people that had been his world before he’d died.  With a small smile he gave the other man’s shoulder a small squeeze, his thumb brushing over the white, jagged lines of another scar.   
  
“Go to sleep, Jay.” Dick murmured softly, shifting to move away to slip into his own pajamas.  
  
Jason didn’t answer of move when the older man pulled away but when Dick emerged from the bathroom he’d maneuvered under the covers, burrowing so far underneath them that onto the top of his head peeked out, the dark hair already tousled.  Smiling, Dick  moved to the bed, already yawning widely when he curled up on the unoccupied side of the bed. When his head hit the pillow he allowed the exhaustion that came from being awake for close to forty eight hours straight drag him down into sleep, his last thought only being that he hoped that Jason was there when he woke up.  
  
\-----  
  
It was dark when Dick’s eyes snapped open, his entire body tense as he listened for what had woken him so suddenly.  There was a hitched sound from behind him and movement, sheets rustling, the mattress creaking and groaning in protest.  Frowning, he glanced behind him at the other man in the bed, eyes hooding a little in sympathy when he noticed the moisture dotting his brow and the way his face was screwed up, lips parted to allow his accelerated breathing.  Dick reached out, his hand gently running over the younger man’s arm, his touch soothing as he slowly scooted closer, hoping that he wouldn’t get a broken nose for his efforts.   
  
“Jay...  Jay.  You’re having a nightmare.  Hey...  Come on, Jay, wake up.”  he breathed, swallowing as he shifted a little, leaning over the other man an hesitantly pressing his hand against the other man’s cheek; this was his fault for not keeping his mouth shut.  “Come on, Jaybird.  It’s just a dream.”   
  
Suddenly Jason’s eyes snapped open and he visibly choked back a scream, his eyes wild as he stared up at Dick.  Eyes narrowing, the acrobat’s hands shot out, moving to grip Jason’s arms at the elbows to pin his arms only for him to violently jerk away, causing the older man to rear back, swallowing thickly, watching the other man curl in on himself, bury his face against the sheets, and tremble.  Of all the things he’d seen, seeing Jason Todd shake from fear, look horribly young and vulnerable, was one of the most heartbreaking.  Reaching out he moved to slowly curl his arms around the other man, ignoring the momentary struggles, wincing whenever an elbow smacked him in the ribs or a foot collided with his shin, waiting patiently.  Finally Jason went boneless, his breath hitching and his trembling intensifying a little, causing Dick to tighten his holding, pressing against his back, just holding.   
  
“Happens to the best of us, Little Wing.” Dick murmured, pressing his cheek to Jason’s hair. “I’m here.  Just focus on going back to sleep, okay?”  
  
“Shut up, Grayson.” Jason’s voice was tremulous but Dick smiled all the same.   
  
“Are you sure?  I know some great stories.  There was this one time with Roy--”   
  
“Ugh.  Shoot me.”  
  
“Nope.  Oh, has anyone ever told you that you’re incredibly comfortable?”   
  
“I’m going to elbow you in the face.”   
  
“Dunno how you’re gonna do that when my face is up here, Jaybird.”  
  
“I’ll find a way.”   
  
They fell into silence, Dick’s eyes fluttering shut as he took in the feel of the younger man’s solid warmth, how much larger Jason was.  During the course of their short conversation the younger vigilante had stopped shaking, most of the tension bleeding out of him.  However he was surprised when he felt Jason’s breathing slowly even out as he drifted back to sleep, most likely exhausted due to how restless his slumber had been.  Dick smiled fondly, relaxing a little against the larger form of the damaged member of their family, his hold on him tightening protectively.  He’d been broken but Dick felt that maybe, with a bit of work, Jason’s old festering wounds would begin to heal and things would slowly, but surely, get better.  
             



	5. Chapter 5

Jason woke to the feel of a warm body pressed against his back, warm breath washing over the side and back of his neck.  Almost immediately he went tense, barely resisting the instinctual urge to jerk away, though, judging from the soft sounds the man behind him made, it seemed the sudden tension in his muscles had woken him.  A calloused hand began to gently run over his chest, the touch soothing, even as he felt muscular arms tighten around him and a nose nudge against the skin beneath his ear.  Almost immediately heat rose in his cheeks and he mentally groaned, hands slowly moving to attempt to pry the acrobat off of him; of course Dick was clingy and cuddly in the morning.   
  
“G’mornin, Jaybird.” Dick mumbled, smiling against his neck, before he seemed to realize what he was doing, his body going rigid. “I—Damn.  I-I’m sorry, Jay.”    
  
Muscular arms slipped from around him with obvious reluctance, Jason having to force himself to remain calm, to not lash out.  Once he was free from the other man’s arms he quickly rolled to the other side of the bed and climbed to his feet, heading for the bathroom and closing the door none-too gently.  He leaned back against it, eyes clamping shut and hands curling into fists at his side as he tried to forget how good it had felt to not be alone, how nice it had been to sleep without waking up from nightmares every few hours.  That wasn’t for him, none of it was, he didn’t have any claim to the security and warmth that was constantly dangled in front of him like a carrot.  It was all a big, fucked up lie that Dick and Bruce kept telling themselves, one that cut deeper and deeper every time Jason heard the conviction in their tones; Jason couldn’t be saved because there was not enough of the boy he used to be left to save.   
  
There was a hesitant knock on the door, causing Jason’s head to whip around to stare at it, eyes wild. “…Jay?  Hey I… I grabbed the clothes you had set out… in case you wanted to change.”   
  
Jason stilled, shoulders slumping a little, feeling guilty at the kicked puppy tone that the other man’s voice had taken on, a heavy sigh passing his lips.  Grudgingly he had to admit that all the other man was doing was his best, trying to find where he stood in unsteady ground, and it couldn’t be easy.  If it had been him he would have stopped trying ages ago, would have been angry instead of upset, would have lashed out instead of trying to make peace, so he had to give him props for making all this effort.  Hesitantly he reached out and opened the door, peering through it at the other man, who looked even more guilty than he’d sounded, something that made Jason’s gut twist; he’d never seen a look like that on anyone’s face when it came to something they’d done to him, and he never wanted to see it again.    
  
“I… Thanks.” he murmured, holding his hands out to accept the clothing.  “I… Don’t worry about… Earlier.  Seriously.”    
  
Dick blinked up at him, frowning a little, the expression soon chased away by a small, hesitant smile. “I’ll try.  Um… Check out is in thirty.  So I’ll… Start packing everything up, okay?”    
  
Jason gave a quick nod, averting his eyes as he took his clothing, offering a quick, forced smile that didn’t reach his eyes before he closed the door again.  Setting the pile of clothes on the toilet seat, he turned to stare at his reflection again, noting how tired his eyes looked, how weary they seemed.  He didn’t look like a nineteen year old kid at all.  No, he looked even older than Dick did, which was probably a bad thing, but he couldn’t really escape from the fact that his childhood had been chewed up and spat back out by life, even before he’d become Robin, before the Joker, and before the Pit.  A dark part of his mind whispered that he didn’t deserve to be around Dick, to even try to be a part of what he had, considering how jaded and broken he was.  It made his eyes narrow as he turned on the faucet and, cupping his hands, splashed water in his face; that part of his mind could fuck off.   
  
He changed quickly, stepping out of the bathroom to notice that Dick had packed everything of his away  and changed, setting Jason’s things on his bag instead of opening it.  That small gesture, that consideration of his privacy, made him pause for a moment, chest tightening before he shook his head, moving to sit on the bed to put on his boots.  Dick was humming softly to himself as he gave the room a quick sweep, leaving Jason time to shove his things back into his duffel and sling it over his shoulder, feeling significantly better.  As he turned he noticed that Dick’s eyes darted away from him quickly, the action more wary than shy, and it made Jason’s eyes hood a little as he watched the older man grab his bag, his hand absently reaching up to slick back his freshly dampened bangs.  In fact he didn’t stop watching Dick even when he turned around, giving him a startled look before hesitantly offering him a small smile which Jason was surprised to feel himself returning; he couldn’t call the other man an enemy, was hesitant to call him a friend, but there was something between them and part of him liked that… A lot.   
  
Jason was the first one to look away, reaching out to grab the key to their room, spinning it on his finger as he moved towards the door. “C’mon.  Lots of road to cover, right?”    
  
He could practically hear the smile in the older man’s voice. “Right.”   
  
——-   
  
Jason had spent check out squinting and looking pained he was sure, hating the sunlight.  When they’d finally gotten into the car he’d immediately opened a pouch on his bag, drawing out a few items before tossing it in the backseat.  He slid into the passenger seat, slipping on a pair of convenience store aviators, the cheap metal dinged and bent beyond repair in places.  Next he drew a CD out of it’s case and, giving Dick a defiant look, shoved it into the CD player, turning up the volume as AC/DC began to blare from the speakers.   
  
Dick stared at him for a long moment before bursting into laughter, starting the car and twisting to look over his shoulder as he backed up.  Jason was sprawled in his seat, watching him from behind his sunglasses as the older man’s head began to bob unconsciously to the beat, watching the way he began to mouth the words to ‘Back in Black’, and swallowed thickly.  Looking away he moved to plant his feet on the dash, folding his arms behind his head as the other man pulled out towards the highway to resume their journey.   
  
Companionable silence fell between them, leaving Jason alone with his thoughts as he stared at the passing terrain.  He tended not to dwell on things such as feelings or connections or any of the flowery things that seemed to make everyone else’s lives turn, but there was definitely something… Different in the air now.  It made his mind wander back to when he’d inherited the older man’s Robin outfit, back when things were easier, and Dick was wearing that ridiculous, high-collared monstrosity of his.  He remembered train surfing and hair ruffling, nights spent eating cheap food and talking about stupid things while Bruce was off doing Bruce things and he was left alone with a man he’d idolized.  There had been lots of awkward trips home, lots of simultaneous anger and gratitude directed towards his jock, and lots of nights full of dirty fantasies and his hand.     
  
He hadn’t thought about his crush in a long time.  After all, he’d had crushes on a lot of people, just like any teenage boy, but he couldn’t help but think back to the other man changing, in the shower, muscular, scarred, and elegant, younger, weighed down by less, his eyes brighter and full of optimism.  Jason couldn’t help but compare him to the Dick Grayson sitting next to him, this one six years older, wearier, more scarred, more worn down.  In a way he thought it made him more beautiful in a different way, in a way that said that Dick Grayson wasn’t just an ex-robin, an ex-sidekick, he was a soldier, one that had seen and done terrible things, lived through them, and survived despite everything.  Maybe that’s why this felt different than just those stupid, boyish fantasies rearing their unwelcome and idiotic head; Dick was strong now, hardened, was human in a way that  _ Jason _ could relate to.    
  
His head jerked back against his seat when suddenly fingers snapped in his face, causing his head to whip around to stare into the concerned blue eyes of the object of his thoughts.  Dick tilted his head at him, making Jason wonder how long he hadn’t been paying attention, how long he’d been ignoring the other man in favor of introspection.  Heaving a sigh he pushed down his sunglasses to peer at the older man over them, pulling on his normal annoyance like an old, well worn coat, and arching a brow at him.    
  
“…What?” he questioned, tone bland and uninterested… And obviously forced.    
  
“I was asking if you were hungry.  There was a sign for a fast food place not far back.” Dick was eying him in a mixture of worry and suspicion out of the corner of his eye.    
  
“…Nah, I’m good.” Jason answered, turning his head to stare out the window again, despite the fact that he could feel Dick’s eyes on him.    
  
“…Alright.”    
  
There it was again, that kicked puppy tone that always made Jason wince now, the one that made his gut clench.  Thankfully the pained look in his eyes was hidden behind his sunglasses, but it left him feeling raw, feeling as if he had to do something to exorcise the awful disappointment that had been in the other man’s voice.  His mind was working, gears turning, trying to fix whatever it was that he’d done, but he kept coming up blank, without a solution and it made him close his eyes in frustration, brows knitting together.     
  
Suddenly a part of his mind decided to ruin everything, not so helpfully suggesting he reach out and rest his hand over the one Dick was resting on the gear-shift.  Causing his hands to fist in his lap and his eyes to widen from behind his sunglasses, noting that the thoughts didn’t stop there, instead moving on to having Dick nestled against him, of them sleeping together, kissing.  Swallowing thickly Jason dug his nails into his palms, heat rising in his cheeks in embarrassment at his own thoughts, wondering why, suddenly he was thinking like this when before he’d just—  Oh.   _Oh_ .     
  
Things began to click into place, suddenly, making him feel like his stomach had just plummeted out of his body to roll away down the highway.  He’d been desperately looking for a label for what was going on with him, with  _ them _ , but now what he had it he wanted to do nothing more than to forget about it and drown it in other, safer thoughts; he  _liked_ Dick Grayson, the person, not the body.  He liked him in a more than friendly manner, his mind completely bypassing friendship and going straight for…    
  
_ Shit. _      



	6. Chapter 6

Jason had been silent for hours.  It wasn’t really that Dick disliked silence, that he couldn’t stand the fact that they weren’t talking at that point in time, but it was more the type of silence that had fallen between them.  They had just hit day three of their journey, and they were crossing the border between Colorado and Utah when he felt himself getting tired again, one more brought on by mental exhaustion then anything.  There had been practically nothing but music to break the silence in the car and, after what had happened that morning, it had given him too much time to think.  
  
Things with Jason were always kind of like free-falling; they were exciting, frightening, unpredictable, and could be dangerous if one didn’t know what they were doing.  Sometimes he wondered if he was really fit to handle the other man, the man that had grown from the boy that, only a short few years before, he’d _failed_.  Dick knew that the younger man’s anger was practically exclusively directed at Bruce, the rest of his resentment more fallout than anything, but he still knew how he’d failed and the knowledge that, if he’d been there maybe things would have been different, ate at him.  He was beginning to realize that that line of thought, his focusing on what Jason had been, what had happened, and what had gone wrong, left him saying and doing all the _wrong_ things.  
  
It had taken hours of interaction, countless conversations, and two incidents that had nearly ruined his so called ‘second chance’ to realize his behavior.  Dick had began to understand when the nightmares had happened, when the other man had woken up and practically panicked, the way he’d been edgy around him afterwards.  They all knew that he wouldn’t be the same, that things were different now, but he’d always separated the then and the now, always considered Jason to be two different entities, but, in a way, that was _wrong_.  Yes, it was what Jason was pushing for outwardly, what he demanded of them, but what his new persona was was a shell for what was actually there.  
  
Trauma came in all sorts of varieties, all of which were packed with all kinds of reactions and symptoms, some of which couldn’t be predicted, and what he _really_ saw, was self-destruction.  It wasn’t obvious, really, and didn’t manifest itself physically in too-neat scars or track marks.  No, most of the signs were buried in the younger man’s subconscious, and Dick wasn’t even certain that he was aware of what he was doing at all.  Part of Jason was pushing everyone away, was driving a rift between anyone that wanted to be in his life so he was alone, cut off from everyone, so that they would all hate him.  He wanted to guess what was driving this urge, what made him yearn for solitude when he craved contact and affection, but he had a feeling that without having every piece of the puzzle that was Jason Todd, he’d be horribly wrong.  
  
Finally he reached out and lowered the volume of the CD player, noting that, almost immediately, Jason’s attention snapped to him. “Hey, I’m thinking we should make another stop.  I’m feeling pretty tired over here.”  
  
“Wuss.” Jason countered, snorting derisively. “Want me to drive?”  
  
It was the first time the younger man had offered and Dick immediately recognized the tension in him, so he pushed, just a little. “Nah, I mean… We’re ahead of schedule and there’s a hotel up ahead.  I’d rather sleep in a bed, wouldn’t you?”  
  
There was a long moment of silence before Jason’s head turned to look out the window. “I guess so.”  
  
Dick counts it as a small victory and relaxes a little, despite the fact that he knew that the coming evening was going to be full of discomfort and awkward silences. “I’ll pull off at the next exit.”  
  
——-  
  
Remembering the discomfort from the night before makes Dick pick a room with two doubles instead if a queen, glancing out of the corner of his eye at Jason.  He’s a little disappointed to find the other man’s expression is completely blank, devoid of anything but hints of boredom and weariness.  He obtains two keys for the room, handing one to the younger man, and frowns when he silently  adjusts his hold on his duffel bag and silently heads towards the elevators.  Heaving a sigh, Dick quickly moves to catch up, slipping into the elevator beside him, and shooting the other man a concerned look, silently wondering if maybe he really should have just let Jason drive for a bit.  It was obvious that he still had some things that he needed to sort out with himself mentally, things that, more than likely, needed silence and solitude more than Dick’s constant nervous chatter.  
  
He barely suppresses the urge to try to say something, instead swallowing nervously and leading the way to their room.  Dick hears Jason falter a little but doesn’t look back, worried about what might be on the younger man’s face, worried that he keeps doing everything wrong, that the harder he tries, the harder the younger man would withdraw, leaving them back at square one.  He stops at their room, letting out a soft, resigned sigh as he fishes for the key card, slipping it into the slot in the handle of the door.  When it unlocks he sneaks a hesitant glance at Jason, watching the way he immediately looks away and looks young and vulnerable, something that makes Dick swallow thickly before slipping into the room, not certain why, suddenly, his heart is hammering and he’s full of nervous energy.  
  
There’s a brief moment when he isn’t certain which bed to pick, trying to figure out which would be best for Jason, before he finally opts for the one by the window, giving the other man easy access to both the door and bathroom.  Dick sets down his back and sets his car keys and key card on the tiny table between the bed, reluctant to take off his jacket due to the fact that he knows he won’t be able to sleep with his mind going a million miles per minute.  However he’s drawn from his thoughts when Jason gently touches his shoulder, causing him to jump a little and turn, already putting the familiar smile in place, the all too familiar act he puts on for anyone he knows doesn’t need to see his problems; he didn’t want to burden anyone with that.  
  
Suddenly large hands are gripping the front of his jacket, and tugging, pulling him, something which catches Dick off guard, makes him stumble, something which speaks volumes about how much he’d come to trust the other man.  His eyes are wide when he’s pulled against the other man, his lips parting to speak only for them to be covered by Jason’s, the contact rough and desperate.  A strangled sound of surprise passes his lips and he freezes, his hands hovering over the younger man’s shoulders for a heartbeat before he practically sags, hands clutching at him.    
  
Just as abruptly as it began, the kiss ended, Jason jerking back, his eyes wild, and lifting his hands to shove Dick back towards his bed.  Startled and still slightly disoriented, the acrobat nearly falls back onto it, eyes and mouth wide in shock as he watches the other man give a violent shake of his head before abruptly turning and leaving the room, slamming the door behind him.  Stunned, Dick lifted a hand to his mouth, brushing his fingers over his lips before quickly shaking his head and, after reaching out to grab his key to the room, quickly moved to follow the other man, his mind a whirlwind of mixed emotions.  
  
Once outside he quickly glanced up and down the hallway, doing a double take when he noticed a figure disappearing through the led to the stairs.  Quickly he bolted after Jason, his mind focused more on not losing the other man than on what had happened and the implications. He swiftly pulled open the door and moved to run through it, only to halt abruptly when he came face to face with the other man, momentarily taken aback by the strange determination written across his face.  Jason took the opportunity to grab him by the collar of his jacket, pulling him inside the stairwell and slamming his back against the nearest wall, causing Dick’s breath to whoosh from his lungs, his hands moving immediately to Jason’s wrists.  
  
“Let me go.” Jason snarled in his face, his voice full of anger, eyes narrow. “Can’t I be alone for five fucking seconds without you trying to fix shit that doesn’t need fixing?”  
  
Dick stared at him with wide eyes, expression quickly morphing into concern. “Jason, I—”  
  
“Shut.  Up.” Each word was punctuated by another small shove against the wall. “I don’t need your fucking pity party.”  
  
“Would you just—”  
  
“Let you talk?  All you fucking do is talk!”  
  
“Jason, _please—”_  
  
“No, just—  I want to leave.  I’m going back to Gotham.  Just… Go back to the room.” Jason muttered, loosening his hold on his jacket and glancing aside, jaw clenched and his entire body radiating tension. “I can find my own way home.  That’s what us strays are good at.”  
  
Dick’s eyes go wide, alarmed before it quickly crumpled, becoming pained and sad instead. “That’s… Jason, that’s not what this _is_ …”  
  
He wasn’t sure what made him act, what made up his mind, especially not when he tended to think first and ask questions later when it came to the people he cared about.  Dick reached out, clasping his hands on either side of the younger man’s face, watching the fear and alarm the action caused, before he leaned up and pressed their mouths together, holding tight when he felt Jason instinctively jerk.  However he couldn’t help but gasp when he was shoved backwards again, lips parting when Jason fisted a hand in his hair to tilt his head back, his mouth moving quickly, desperately over the older man’s.  Dick couldn’t help but whimper, his hands moving to tangle in Jason’s hair, holding on, wishing he could convey everything he wanted to say through a kiss because he knew that, with them, talking just made them raw, made them unstable.  
  
It was Dick that broke the kiss, gasping and moving to pull Jason forward, pressing his face against his shoulder and simply, holding him.  Jason froze, all tension and nervousness, something that made the older of the two move one hand to gently rub between his shoulder blades, not saying anything, knowing that anything he said would just make everything worse.  It took a few moments but the other man slowly relaxed, his breathing evening a little and his shoulders slumping slightly, something that made Dick finally cave and speak.  
  
“We don’t have to talk but… Let’s go back to the room, okay?” Dick offered softly, swallowing thickly, nervous; he hadn’t had time to process anything, hadn’t had time to think, and, briefly, he wondered if he’d done the right thing.  “Or… I can get another room if you need… Time to yourself…”  
  
“I… Fine.  The room is fine.” Jason answered, his voice muffled and small, causing the older man’s chest to ache.  
  
“Yeah.  Okay.  Whenever you’re ready, okay?” he felt Jason nod and his lips curved up a little in a small smile as he relaxed back against the wall, content to stay there as long as Jason needed. 


	7. Chapter 7

Jason probably should have been worried by the fact that he was allowing Dick to lead him down the hall, one hand planted firmly on his shoulder, but his mind was still reeling.  What he’d done in the hotel room, what he’d done after, everything felt like a hallucination during a bad trip, or one of those horribly realistic nightmares he tended to have.  Kissing Dick had been impulsive, unplanned, but he’d had to do _something_ to wipe the damn kicked puppy look off the other man’s face.  However, when he’d initially gotten the other man’s attention making out with him hadn’t been on his mind at all.  Jason wondered, briefly, if he was being mind controlled or something.  
  
He was jarred from his thoughts when he heard the door click shut behind them, his head whipping around at the sound.  Dick lifted his hands in front of him, palm-out, his eyes oddly sad and guilty.  Jason swallowed before shaking his head and moving into the bathroom, shutting the door behind him, forcing himself not to slam the door in frustration as he shut it behind him, before leaning back against it and closing his eyes.  A voice in his head said ‘this feels familiar’, but he promptly told that voice to shut the fuck up.  
  
Privately, he had to admit that he really was turning out to be as much of a fuck-up as Bats thought he was.  Not even Jason could predict what Jason was going to do half the time, and the rational part of him whispered about the pit and insanity before he quickly shook it off.  He’d been angry, he’d been violent, but he’d never matched the profile of a psychopath; at least he didn’t think so. Psychopaths didn’t kiss and run though.  A crazy person didn’t run when they had what they wanted, wasn’t scared shitless of the fact that Dick had _responded_ to him.  Though, a crazy person did kiss someone in the hope that they’d be rejected, he supposed.  
  
Jason slowly opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling and, suddenly, listening intently for any sound outside the bathroom.  Either the door was incredibly thick, which he doubted, or it was completely silent in the other room, something which made his lips curve down in a frown and his brows knit.  Then, like a kick to the gut, he realized that Dick was being quiet because of him.  There was no sound, no restless rustling, no tentative knocks, no quiet questions through the door.  For a moment Jason felt his stomach drop, wondering if he’d finally pushed the other man too far, if maybe he was beginning to give up on him.  However, that was quickly followed by the thought that he had no real reason to care… did he?  
  
In the past, before the fire and cruel laughter, they’d been fairly close, had trusted one another.  Once, before he’d died, he would have said that he had plenty of reasons to care, that he liked being around the other man.  Before the bitterness and the rage had taken root, he’d had plenty of reasons to give a shit, but it seemed that most of whom he’d been before had been burned away in that explosion.  He could remember some of their time together, his memory full of holes and confusion, but it was like the memories belonged to someone else.  His time in Wayne manor wasn’t nearly as sharp as the days he’d spent on the streets, the days full of hunger, horror, and lost innocence.  
  
Heaving a sigh, he moved to the sink and turned on the water, splashing his face and looking up at his reflection in the mirror.  He’d definitely seen better days, days with less uncertainty and more uncomplicated brawling, more bloodshed and a lot less social skills.  However he didn’t look as he’d expected himself to look either, minus the beginnings of dark circles beneath his eyes caused by lack of sleep.  On the bright side, neither of them really needed to check in anywhere and could take their time, but that was also what Jason was worried about.  They were on some weird, fucked up bonding trip that was probably mostly fueled by guilt and now they had the giant mess that Jason had just created looming over them; if there was one thing he was good at it was fucking things up, it seemed.  
  
His hands clenched around the basin of the sink, eyes squeezing shut as he pushed aside the frustrated anger and took a slow, steadying breath.  Shaking his head he reached out and grabbed one of the plush towels, drying his face with it, and mentally began to shove everything back down into the dark recesses of his mind.  Maybe if he just stopped thinking for a while, stopped dredging up old problems and wounds, he’d at least be able to get a decent night’s sleep, hopefully free of too many nightmares.  Hoping to not be plagued by them at all was too naive and he knew it; he always had nightmares.  
  
Tossing the towel aside he finally slipped out of the bathroom, glancing over at the two beds, his eyes hooding when he saw Dick, still fully clothed, curled up on his side with his back to Jason.  He could tell the other man was awake, that he’d been waiting for Jason to get out of the bathroom, especially from the way the other man was tensed, though he seemed unwilling to move.  Jason sighed loudly and moved to his own bed, hesitating before stripping off his shirt and tossing it on top of his duffel. He sat on the edge of his own bed, facing Dick, lips curving; Dick was really bad at the pretending to sleep thing.  
  
“You’re a horrible actor, you know.” Jason forced himself not to fist his hands in the comforter of his bed when he saw Dick’s shoulders tense.  “I’m staying. For now.”  
  
There was a moment of silence before Dick slowly rolled to a sitting position, his hands flat on the sheets of the bed behind him, his blue eyes uncertain, skittish. “You don’t have to, Jay.  If you don’t want to be here—”  
  
“Look, I’m not giving you guarantees or platitudes. They don’t suit us,” Jason muttered, looking away, having to fight not to go tense. “But I’m good for now.  That’s all I can give you.”  
  
“I’m guessing we’re not going to discuss… what just happened.” Dick sounded resigned and, when Jason looked back at him, he was staring at the bedside table, his fingers raking through his hair.  
  
Sitting like that, looking disheveled would have been incredibly tempting if it weren’t for how totally and utterly _defeated_ Dick looked. “Look, I just… I don’t…  My head’s a mess.  Half the time I don’t _know._ ”  
  
Dick’s shoulders slumped, and he lowered his eyes to stare at the white comforter between his legs, contemplative and exhausted. “I’m okay with just this. I like this.  You don’t have to do anything else.”  
  
“Dammit, that’s not really… Urgh,” Jason sighed and just gave up, slumping backwards onto his bed and scrubbing a hand over his face.  
  
“I just mean… If you _need_ something from me, Jay…” Jason’s eyes widened behind his hand at the implication, at the awkwardness. “It doesn’t have to change anything between us—”  
  
“No.” Jason sat up so fast it made his head hurt. “And fuck you for suggesting that I’d just—No.  Just, forget it.”  
  
Annoyed and guilty, he promptly bent down to unlace his boots, ignoring it when Dick shifts in favor of tossing the boots aside. However, he tensed, his head snapping up when a gentle hand touched his shoulder, watching as Dick winced and drew back like he’d been burned.  Briefly it makes Jason wonder what was in his eyes when he looked up, what he was failing to hide behind a mask of indifference.  
  
“I’m sorry,” Dick murmured, his cheeks flushing in shame.   “I should have known you wouldn’t…”  
  
“Damn right you should have,” Jason muttered, pissed off and hurt as he shucked his pants and slid under the covers of his bed.  “Just go to sleep, Dick.”  
  
“What?  So we’re done talking now?” the other man’s voice was full of frustration and guilt, full of hurt that made Jason’s chest tighten.  
  
“What else is there to talk about?  Just… Leave it alone.” Jason muttered, eyes narrow.  
  
Dick’s brows furrowed for a moment and he opened his mouth like he was about to say something before he sighed and slumped, his head bowing. “…See you in the morning, Jay.”  
  
Jason watched as the other man rolled over, his back stiff and his entire posture radiating unhappiness, and sighed, rolling to face away from Dick. “…Yeah.”  
  
There’s an unspoken ‘maybe’ at the end of his sentence and they both know it.  
  
——-  
  
Jason woke up in the middle of the night from a nightmare, chest heaving as he gasped and sat up, burying his face in his hands before running them through his hair.  He was shaking and could only remember fragments of the dream, only flashes of horror and laughter, but it was enough to make him want to stumble to the bathroom and vomit.  However, before he got the chance, he noticed that Dick’s bed was empty, so he quickly checked for the other man’s belongings, panic clawing at his gut.  He was relieved to see it there, something he would never admit to the acrobat, but that didn’t stop him from staggering to the bathroom and dousing his face with cold water, willing his stomach to stop rolling.  
  
It took him a few minutes before he was finally steady enough to venture back towards his bed and he sank down heavily on it.  He scrubbed his face with a hand before he glanced at the bedside table, noting that the car keys were still there, but Dick’s phone and hotel keycard were missing.  He wondered if, maybe, while the other man was out, he should take the chance and leave, especially since the chance of getting caught was pretty slim.  However, he looked at his duffel, then back to the other man’s bed, then back to the hotel room door, swallowing thickly before his eyes narrowed with determination.  
  
There was no real difference between the beds, nothing other than the fact that one was Dick’s and that it smelled just a little different, a little more like the acrobat. He concocted a lie for later about how he’d been disoriented after a nightmare and had just happened to wind up in the other man’s bed, all the while reprimanding himself.  He was behaving like a teenaged girl with a crush, but he knew it was more than that, more than his recent attraction, despite the fact that he didn’t like to pick at who he’d been before.  Deep down Jason knew that Dick was still synonymous with safety and security in his mind. He still remembered what his hugs felt like, smelled like. It wasn’t quite what he wanted, but he was too much the coward to ask for anything like that.  
  
Jason didn’t realize that he’d drifted off until he heard the soft click of the door opening, forcing himself to remain relaxed, to keep his breathing slow and even.  He heard soft footsteps, heard the way they faltered, but had to force himself to remain relaxed, to be prepared for anything, but he almost failed when calloused fingers brushed across his forehead, gently smoothing his hair from his face.  However, the touch was gone almost as quickly as it came, soon followed by rustling as Dick slid back into bed, then silence again.  After a few long minutes, Jason cracks his eyes open, staring at the way the other man had curled up in Jason’s bed, the way that every inch of him screamed ‘miserable’ even as he tried to sleep.  
  
That was when a part of Jason gave, when he sagged and stared at the other man, the only member of his ‘family’ that was still trying.  He’d kicked and screamed, fought tooth and nail to be the person that they all thought he was, keeping the distance so he couldn’t be tempted with closeness.  After all, people you didn’t care about couldn’t hurt you, not the way that people you liked did, not the way that Bruce had when Jason had come back to life.  However, seeing that he was making Dick so horribly sad, to see that he was slowly breaking a part of him, that didn’t sit well with Jason, especially not when the acrobat was trying so damn hard.  So, as Jason closed his eyes and settled, preparing to get some sleep for the long drive ahead of them, he decided that maybe the least he could do was put in a bit of effort himself.  After all, it wasn’t as if he enjoyed being unpleasant, just that he was too afraid of the let down that always followed.  However there was still a part of him that said he’d regret it, and part of him was afraid that it was right.  
  
——-  
  
Jason woke up before Dick.  It wasn’t surprising considering that the other man slept like a rock and probably hadn’t slept much the previous night.  In fact, the younger of the two had taken the liberty of turning off the other man’s alarm after sneaking a look at who he’d been talking to: his voicemail, for almost an hour.  He let Dick slumber on as he showered and shaved, stepping out in his favorite pair of worn jeans and nothing else, smiling a little when he noticed that the noise hadn’t woken the other man.  Dick looked young when he was sleeping, painfully so, and Jason had to shake himself when he caught himself staring.  With a soft snort he reached out and roughly ruffled the other man’s hair before shoving the comforter in the other man’s face until he spluttered and tried to shove his hand away.  
  
“Wakey wakey, Wonderbread,” Jason sing-songed, abruptly moving to smooth the other man’s hair out of his startled and wide eyes. “Gonna sleep all day?”  
  
“My alarm hasn’t even gone off…” Dick groaned before blinking up him and gradually brightening, his smile growing until it flashed his teeth. “Jay… You’re still here.”  
  
Jason had to fight back the flush and tight feeling in his chest. “Where else would I be, Idiot?”  
  
Dick laughed a little, but his eyes were full of relief as he shoved the younger man’s hand away. “Well, after last night, I thought— You know what, never mind.  I need a shower and, um, need to pack.”  
  
“Also breakfast.  Waffles.”  
  
“You’re determined to milk this for all it’s worth, aren’t you?”  
  
“Oh absolutely,” Jason answered immediately, moving to slip a clinging, worn, black shirt on, keeping his eyes away from Dick as the acrobat slid out of bed.  
  
“Good thing we don’t have a budget.” Dick’s voice was oddly close, causing Jason to turn, looking curious, only for heat to rise in his cheeks when the other man’s hand slid over his abdomen as he walked by. “Thanks for letting me sleep in, Jaybird.”  
  
For a moment Jason was too stunned to react before he let out a loud snort right as the bathroom door closed, calling after the other man.  “Yeah, cos I wouldn’t get hot water otherwise.”  
  
A soft, muffled chuckle was his only answer, leaving the younger of the two to himself, his hand lowering to brush over his stomach where Dick had touched him.  It had been so simple, so brief, yet it had made a million images flash through his mind, none of which were appropriate for any form of platonic relationship.  Jason let out a soft, muffled curse and moved over to his duffel, stuffing things inside carelessly, struggling not to think that there hadn’t really been much in the way of casual touching between them before.  However, once he was packed he stood uselessly in the center of the room, doing his best not to think about Dick in the shower, about how they both seemed to like sweeping things under the rug. While the acrobat liked to talk, he wasn’t particularly fond of dredging up old messes.  That didn’t stop Jason from feeling as if he’d just landed in the Twilight Zone.  
  
“I’m so fucked.” Jason muttered, sinking down onto the edge of Dick’s bed. He was beginning to sense a theme on their little road trip.  
  
“You say something?” Dick questioned, causing Jason to nearly jump out of his skin.  
  
“What?  No,” Jason answered, glancing back at the other man and instantly regretting it.  
  
Dick’s towel hung low on his waist, knotted loosely, as the acrobat dried his hair with another, all the while giving Jason a curious look.  Trying not to stare was a losing battle so he quickly turned away, bending over to pretend to tie his boots again, ignoring Dick as best he could.  It worked fairly well until the other man strode past him, his fingers lightly brushing over Jason’s shoulder as he made his way over to his bag.  For a moment Jason just stared, incredulous, only to quickly look back down at his boots when the acrobat bent over to rummage in his bag for clean clothes.  
  
“Why do you keep doing that?” Jason finally asked, absently plucking at the fabric of his jeans, worn and faded, frayed and torn.  
  
“What?” Dick sounded distracted, probably because he was looking for a second clean sock to match the first he’d found; the man had no organizational skills.  
  
“Touching me.”  
  
Dick turned his head, looking back at him with wide eyes, and everything from the previous night came rushing back, their casual illusion shattering. “I… Sorry, I just—”  
  
Jason sighed, raking his fingers through his hair. “I’m not _mad_ —”  
  
“I just can’t believe you’re actually… Still here, is all,” Dick answered, quickly glancing away as he tugged on a pair of underwear, tossing his towel aside.  
  
“I’m just full of surprises.” Jason countered, attempting to keep his tone light. He really didn’t want to fight, not after the night before.  
  
“Yeah.” Dick agreed, his tone a little wistful before he shook himself and tugged on his jeans and a blue polo that made Jason grimace a little; he needed to bribe Babs to replace Dick’s wardrobe or something.  “We’re almost there, too.”  
  
“Where?” Jason questioned, brows furrowing. Dick gave him a surprised, then amused look.  
  
“Yosemite.” Dick answered, smiling brightly. “Did you forget?”  
  
“What?  No.” Jason muttered, climbing to his feet and grabbing his bag; actually, he had. “Just couldn’t believe you actually were willing to try something like that.”  
  
“Scared? the acrobat teased as he finished tying his shoes and grabbed his own bag, making sure he had everything.  
  
“Of flying?  Hell no,” Jason answered, his eyes falling to the floor. No, there was different kind of falling that made him far more skittish than jumping off a cliff ever could.  
  
“It’s going to be great,” Dick practically gushed, leading the way out of the room.  “You’re going to be glad you came, really.”  
  
“Famous last words,” Jason teased, though it made something twist in his gut.  
  
“I think I’ll be okay if you’re there.” Dick’s voice is quiet as they enter the elevator.  
  
“Or worse off,” Jason muttered, longing for a cigarette.  
  
“I don’t think that’s possible.”  
  
Jason couldn’t help himself: he let out a bark of bitter laughter. “I think my track record speaks for itself.”  
  
Dick reached out and gently grabbed Jason’s arm, his eyes hooded and earnest. “I trust you, Jay.  I do.”  
  
Jason stared for a moment before he sighed and gave a small nod. “Yeah, I know.  I—It’s way too early for this.”  
  
Dick laughed, rolling his eyes. “We’ll get some coffee in you and hit the road again.  Tomorrow we’re flying.”  
  
 _Or falling_. Jason mused mentally, kicking himself for being so grim. “Yeah.  We’ll show those extreme sports nuts how it’s done.”  
  
As Dick checked out, Jason couldn’t help but feel strange, anxious almost.  There was a lot unresolved between them, and tomorrow they were going to be jumping off a cliff for kicks, most of which would be the acrobat’s.  Weeks before he wouldn’t have been caught dead in the other man’s company, let alone on a road trip with him, yet here they were and it was… nice.  It was pleasant to think that maybe he had a place with someone, that he wasn’t so alone, but the streets and the Joker had taught him a hard lesson, one he found difficult to let go of.  Something had to give, something had to break and show them that it was all just a dream.  The only question was _what_.


End file.
